If the Relationship Is Turning You Away From God, Pack Your Bags

Sermon outline

Set your standards before you start: leave any relationship that pulls you from God, judge a person by how they treat their own family, do not date out of loneliness, and keep your parents, leaders and God involved.

1. If it is turning you away from God, leave

   Pastor Thamie asks what standards a Christian should set. Pastor Wesley starts from one non-negotiable: any relationship that is turning you away from church and from God is one to leave. That is the starting point, not the last resort.

   “If you have a relationship that's turning you away from the church and it's turning you away from God, get outta that relationship, pack your bags and run for the hills.”

2. What my father taught me: watch how they treat their own family

   Pastor Wesley passes on his father's wisdom. If a girl does not respect her parents or behaves badly in her own house, she will do the same in yours. If a boy disrespects his mother or father, he will disrespect you. And if he is not a Christian, it does not matter how rich he is or what he drives; prayer after the wedding will not make him one, because he will only come to Christ by his own conviction.

   Illustration: Otherwise you become the woman in the congregation praying for years for her husband and children to come to the Lord, because you mixed seed on the day the six-pack, the blue eyes and the BMW looked so good.

   “If he disrespects his mother, he's going to disrespect you.”

3. You are marrying the family

   In the early days everyone wants time alone, at restaurants, at the movies, on the beach, because everyone puts their best foot forward, truth or no truth. Instead, go out with their friends and visit their home under supervision, and watch how they are with their parents, grandparents and the children. When you marry, you adopt every negative and every positive thing in that family. Someone who comes to church only to please you will stop once they have what they want.

   Illustration: The young man who sits quietly by your father saying 'yes sir, no sir', and starts swearing about him the minute he is out of the house.

   “When you marry an individual, you're not just marrying that individual, you are marrying the family.”

4. Know what you are looking for

   If you love yourself, it is easy to set rules for yourself in advance. Pastor Wesley says that when he was courting his wife he already knew he was not looking for a girlfriend or a good time; he found her in the house of the Lord, she had her own experience with Christ, both sets of parents were involved from the start, and they married after two or three years. Every piece of yourself you give away, ten or twelve partners later, throws away part of the future your parents invested in.

   “If you're not looking to get married, then stop looking.”

5. Do not date because you are lonely

   If you can be alone long enough and love yourself, you will look for someone who adds value, not someone to fill a gap. A relationship should be a plus, not a minus. The one relationship to spend your life developing is with God, who will never betray you and whose promise is generational. Fill the hunger with the things of God: get involved in church and youth, start a prayer meeting or a Bible reading at the dinner table. Pastor Thamie adds that singleness is a gift: Jesus knew His Father's business at twelve, and Paul fulfilled his call without distraction.

   Illustration: Ask God what His favourite colour and favourite music are, the way you would ask someone you are getting to know.

   “Don't find somebody because you're lonely.”

   • Luke 2:49

6. Be accountable, and know who your real friends are

   Pastor Thamie says many young people avoid bringing someone to their pastor or youth leader and then ask to be married to a stranger. Pastor Wesley explains accountability as having people whose love for you and knowledge of your calling make you live rightly. About eighty per cent of relationships are acquaintances, fifteen per cent pass through for a season, and very few are heart-to-heart. A real friend is willing to lose your friendship to tell you the truth; the partner in crime is not your friend.

   Illustration: A preacher he heard as a young man said that if you share your whole heart with more than five people, you are in trouble: your mother and father, one close friend, God, and the person who becomes your husband or wife.

   “If a friend is prepared to lose your friendship to tell you the truth, that is a friend.”

7. Parents and children: keep the lines open

   At seven or eight, parents are everything; then school brings divorce, step-parents and children who disrespect their parents, and we copy them. Honour your father and mother, with its promise of a long and good life; the older you get, the more you see their wisdom. Pastor Thamie reads that parents must teach God's word to their children when they sit, walk, lie down and rise up, rather than leaving the world to teach them about sex. Pastor Wesley tells young people to involve their parents in every decision, even at eighteen, because some mistakes leave an imprint you regret for life.

   Illustration: David saw a woman from his rooftop and took her without consulting anyone. He lost the child, and God told him there would never be peace in his home; his children suffered from that point on.

   “The lines of communication between parent and child must always be open, no matter how difficult it may be.”

   • Ephesians 6:2-3
   • Deuteronomy 6:6-7
   • 2 Samuel 11:2-4
   • 2 Samuel 12:10-14

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