Are You the Giver in the Relationship, or the Taker?

Sermon outline

Knowing who you are in Christ shows up in how you handle people: be the giver rather than the taker, be quiet long enough to hear, respond instead of reacting, honour those over you, and change yourself rather than waiting for others to change.

1. God works through people, so your response matters

   Miracles, signs and wonders happen, but God always uses people; even the wealth of the wicked laid up for the just comes through somebody. Along the way our response and reaction make the difference. We have the choice to be better, to believe the word, to do our own thing, and to make friends or break them.

   “Anything that God is going to do, God will always do through people.”

   • Proverbs 13:22

2. Are you the giver or the taker?

   Pastor Wesley introduces emotional intelligence: high-maintenance and low-maintenance people, the open hand and the taker who will not open his wallet and is only there for the good time. Ask honestly which one you are, and if you are the taker, change. Learn to keep your mouth shut and control your whims, because once you are grown you no longer have your parents' covering, and your friends, movies, music and behaviour all matter. The only opinion that should matter is what God says about you.

   “Am I the giver in the relationship or am I the taker?”

3. Be quiet long enough to hear

   Be wise as a serpent and gentle as a dove: you can defend yourself without being brash. When two women came to Solomon over one living child, he listened to the whole story without asking questions, then gave the order that revealed the true mother. He never argued the point. If God fights for us, we can be quiet, listen and wait for His wisdom before we respond.

   Illustration: Solomon and the two mothers: he did not ask what colour the child's eyes were or when he was born; he listened, then let the real mother's love reveal itself.

   “If we can listen long enough, the wisdom of God will take over because we've been quiet.”

   • Matthew 10:16
   • 1 Kings 3:16-28

4. You attract what is inside you

   Pastor Thamie says the word produces prosperous thinking, and that life does not come on you; you project it. An image inside you keeps drawing the same broken relationships until you deal with it, and offence builds fences. Pastor Wesley adds that the world calls it the law of attraction: in a new job, the gossip attracts the gossipers and the critic attracts the critics. Be faithful in someone else's business and God can bless you outside it. A job is a means to an end; your calling is your purpose.

   “If you love gossip, you automatically attract the gossipers in the office.”

   • Proverbs 4:20-23
   • Romans 12:2
   • Proverbs 23:7
   • 1 Samuel 16:7
   • Luke 16:12

5. Honour authority and be a good steward

   People who buck authority and appoint themselves spokesperson become marked and are worked out of promotion. That is not sucking up; it is doing your work well, being accountable and responsible. Pastor Thamie recalls being in the noisy clique at work before he was saved, and how the wisdom of God began to flow once he learned to manage his emotions.

   Illustration: Pastor Wesley worked weekends from the age of thirteen, packing shelves, because his parents taught him to work for what he wanted. As a pizza delivery boy he treated every customer with respect, earned more in tips than the manager and kept the fridges stocked though it was not his job. He was made assistant manager without ever working the till, then manager, and was called to head office, where he met hostility as a young Indian man soon after apartheid and was nearly fired. He did not fight it, kept doing his job, and within weeks was given the post above those opposing him at four times his salary.

   “Never take God out of your equation.”

6. Respond, don't react

   We are not wrestling flesh and blood; there is a spirit behind the resistance. A man with no rule over his own spirit is like a city with its walls broken down. You cannot be a holy roller who worships on Sunday and swears at his wife and kicks the dog on the way home. And 'I just say it like it is' does not hold up: if you can greet customers warmly however you feel, you can train yourself to be a relatable person.

   Illustration: If you truly did not care what people think, you would not brush your teeth, bath, put on deodorant and make sure your clothes are neat before you leave the house.

   “We respond, we don't react.”

   • Ephesians 6:12
   • Proverbs 25:28
   • Romans 10:17

7. Love yourself, honour others, and change you

   You can honour your boss without loving him; it costs nothing to be nice. But the first person you must love is yourself, and then you need the word to know how God loves you. Pick your battles and let some things go. Stop making silly confessions such as 'I'm just short-tempered', because you keep yourself from deliverance; say instead that you have God's peace and patience. Change is uncomfortable, like an eaglet's nest lined with thorns or clay in the fire, but the only person you can change is you.

   Illustration: A child asks whether Daddy loves him more than Mommy, and learns there are different kinds of love. And Pastor Thamie says he has found favour in places simply by smiling.

   “If you truly want to know what your personal value is, change you.”

   • Romans 5:5
   • Romans 12:3
   • Matthew 5:39-41
   • Proverbs 25:2

In this message