Can a Christian Date an Unbeliever?

Sermon outline

God's word answers the question plainly, so do not be unequally yoked: guard your purity, beware the predators of dating sites, be comfortable not fitting in, involve your parents and the Holy Spirit, and become someone who will help another person's destiny rather than wreck it.

1. The straight answer is no

   Asked whether a Christian can date a non-Christian, Pastor Wesley answers plainly: no. Everyone falls short and they are not there to bash anyone, but to give guidance so that people can enjoy the rest of their lives. Being equally yoked means sharing the same value system, and Christ is not a religion but a relationship no other belief system offers.

   Illustration: Two oxen under one yoke, able to move forward only because they move together.

   “The straightforward answer is no.”

   • 2 Corinthians 6:14-15
   • Romans 3:23

2. You nullify the work of God in your life

   When you get involved with someone who does not know Christ, prayer and Bible reading become difficult, missing church and the livestream stops bothering you, and you pull away from your parents to follow the other person. In a relationship you either bring change or you are changed. You cannot serve two masters, and a spouse is meant to be a help meet, adding to you every day. Believers are expats on earth, citizens of heaven.

   “When you get involved with somebody who's not a Christian, what you are doing is you are nullifying the work of God in your life.”

   • Genesis 2:18
   • Matthew 7:13-14

3. The door the enemy uses

   Pastor Thamie tells how a king took a prophet from mountain to mountain to curse Israel, and every curse turned into a blessing, because no one can curse what God has blessed. Then the prophet advised sending women into Israel's camp. The men joined themselves to them, opened a door, and the curse came. Someone may be beautiful and doing well financially, but if they do not serve the same God, wait for the person God brings.

   “So God's word is always wiser than what we think.”

   • Numbers 23:8
   • Numbers 25:1-3
   • Numbers 31:16

4. Dating sites and the predators behind the profiles

   Pastor Thamie warns that people hide behind profiles and social media shows a predator exactly what you like, so he can quote scripture and say he prays without saying to whom. Ask the Holy Spirit for discernment. Pastor Wesley, who works with social media and marketing, says some sites exist only for one-night stands, and every one gives away a piece of you. If you are lonely and looking, you are desperate, and you may find something that takes far more than you meant to give.

   Illustration: From true-crime documentaries he has watched, he says killers often find their victims on social media, because people have put their whole lives online: the favourite colour, food and film that let a stranger seem to 'just get you' within a month.

   “If I'm feeling lonely and I'm looking, that means I'm desperate.”

   • 1 Corinthians 12:10

5. Be comfortable being socially awkward

   If we are in the world but not of it, we will never quite fit in. God has placed a gift in each of us to fulfil His calling, and if we cannot be comfortable being awkward, we will keep diluting our destiny, our values and our gifts just to feel a little better tomorrow.

   “You must become comfortable with being socially awkward.”

6. Flee sexual immorality

   Pastor Thamie says your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, and sexual sin is against your own body and opens a door. If someone demands sex to prove your love, they are not the one. In the last days evil is called good, and virgins are laughed at, but stay pure and enjoy sex within marriage. If you are already sleeping around, you can change today. Singleness is a gift, and a partner should be a bonus, not your stability.

   Illustration: Can a man carry fire against his chest and not be burned, or walk on hot coals and not scorch his feet?

   “If a guy cannot wait, then he is not the right one for you.”

   • 1 Corinthians 6:15-20
   • Isaiah 5:20
   • Ephesians 5:3
   • Proverbs 6:27-28

7. Involve your parents, and do not wreck someone else's destiny

   Pastor Wesley told his parents when he liked a visitor to the church, and his father warned him not to even look in her direction unless he was thinking of marriage, which made him accountable from the start; she fitted his life like a glove. Make decisions by God's word, not lust or peer pressure. Pastor Thamie adds that you must be spiritually, mentally and emotionally ready, and Pastor Wesley says to pray not only for someone who helps your destiny, but to be someone who helps theirs. Do not live by fleeces and signs.

   Illustration: Hunting bush pig with his father-in-law, he was told he was looking too hard: go looking for signs and you will find one, but it won't be the bush pig. The devil also hears the fleece you put out, and can make sure you get the sign you asked for.

   “Lord, as much as I'm looking for somebody that's going to help me fulfill my destiny in you, let me be the person also that will help that person fulfill their destiny in you.”

   • John 16:13
   • Judges 6:36-40

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