I Had to Submit My Will: Unity in the Home

Sermon outline

God commands His blessing where there is unity, so a home is built not by bricks and mortar but by submitting our will, laying foundations of prayer, honesty and honour, and using our words to build rather than destroy.

1. We are God's family

   From different surnames and colours, we are one family, because God sent Jesus to reconcile us to Himself and wants to be an integral part of our lives. Genesis 1:28 is spoken over Adam and Eve, but single mothers and fathers are family too and should not feel condemned: God, Jehovah Shammah and Emmanuel, is the one who stands with them. Marriage is a blessing, but the single person need not rush to find a partner. An insecure partner makes a marriage a horrible place, so develop your identity first: you are the righteousness of God in Christ and complete in Him.

   “The outstanding person is God in your family.”

   • Matthew 10:30
   • Genesis 1:28
   • Proverbs 18:22
   • 2 Corinthians 5:21
   • Colossians 2:10

2. When two agree: I had to submit my will

   In marriage you are individuals, yet you become one, and operating independently causes division and strife. Where there is unity God commands His blessing, and whatever two agree on is done by the Father. If you are fasting, praying and doing everything right and nothing is coming to pass, ask whether you are still having your own way. For many years that was her problem, as a strong career woman, leader and decision maker, until she submitted her will, and then God began to do what He needed to do in their lives. Sometimes the partner you submit to is a little out of line, but when you bring your will into God's will, He reins them in, though it takes time.

   “I had to submit my will. And when I submitted my will, that is when God started to do what He needed to do in our lives.”

   • Psalm 133:3
   • Matthew 18:19

3. The foundation: listen, keep and practise

   A home is not the bricks, the garden or the neighbourhood; you can have all of that and a war inside. What makes a happy home is unity and oneness. From Matthew 7 the foundation is to listen, keep and practise, built on honesty, integrity, respect and honour, and transparency. Honour your partner whatever they are like, not for their sake but for yours, because you want to receive from God. Be honest even when it hurts, and God will turn the chaos into peace.

   Illustration: A foundation dug shallow can carry only one floor; a deep one can carry four storeys. Your prayer life together and alone decides how high the family can build.

   “What makes a happy home? Unity and oneness.”

   • Matthew 7:24-27

4. Principles set by mom and dad

   A family's foundations are its principles: in this house we pray and agree together, we tithe and give generously, and we serve the Lord. When a child's soccer game starts at nine, so does church, so church comes first and then the game, and soon the child tells the coach himself. Hold your baby and pray the word aloud over him so that it becomes the language he grows up with. Insist on respect in how the family speaks, because children carry the shouting of their parents into their own relationships.

   Illustration: She repents, half laughing, to her own sons for the shouting when they were young.

   “It's the principles that you teach that become foundational.”

   • Joshua 24:15
   • Galatians 6:7

5. Building with wisdom

   Wisdom builds a house, and a wise woman builds hers, if she can keep a clip on her mouth. A soft answer turns away wrath: even when your family is wrong, hold back, and when peace is restored, rebuild the walls with the right words. God never promised obedient children; He said children are a gift and a heritage, and we are responsible to build them, training them for the marketplace as well as the home. Do not be a fault finder, because your children will be better critics of you than you are of them. Let God choose your partner, and when someone seems too perfect, heed the Holy Spirit's red flag.

   “Your children will be an even better critic of you.”

   • Proverbs 24:3
   • Proverbs 14:1
   • Proverbs 15:1
   • Psalm 127:3
   • Proverbs 22:6

6. Dominion is not over your family

   Ask the Holy Spirit to make you a good listener, to the languages of words, body, silence and love. The dominion of Genesis 1 is over devils and the powers of the air, over division in the home, not over a husband or wife; with each other it is submission. Buying the sports car your partner has not agreed to becomes a bone of contention. Happiness fades three weeks after the purchase, but joy comes with godly contentment. Be the peacemaker whatever it costs.

   “Submission is very different to dominion.”

   • Genesis 1:26
   • Ephesians 5:21
   • 1 Timothy 6:6

7. The priest, the intercessor and the language of silence

   Husbands are the priests of their homes, and single parents take that role on; keep a prayer journal and involve the children, so they go to God first and not to their friends. Money answers all things but does not make you happy or prosperous; contentment and knowing God do, and the word keeps you young. Mothers are the intercessors, the wisdom a husband bounces his ideas off. God needs people who speak less and set an example, because silence makes you listen, observe and discern more. We shape, edify and build.

   “We don't need a bomb to destroy. Our words do that very well. But our words also build up.”

   • Ecclesiastes 10:19

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