Healthy Boundaries Lead to Healthy Relationships

Sermon outline

Forgiveness is the very character of Christ, an act of the will that takes faith and is tested when you stand face to face with the person who hurt you, and healthy boundaries let you walk in that forgiveness without letting people cross the line again.

1. Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors

   This is where the devil catches us, because we keep a double standard: we want God's forgiveness and mercy but do not forgive or show mercy ourselves. If you do not forgive, neither will your Father forgive you. Unforgiveness is a blessing blocker: in a year of double blessing, refuse to forgive and you get double nothing.

   “Double blessing, then you get double nothing if you don't forgive and walk in love and walk in mercy.”

   • Matthew 6:12
   • Matthew 6:14-15
   • Matthew 5:7
   • Colossians 3:13
   • Ephesians 4:32

2. Forgiveness is the character of Christ

   Stephen, being stoned to death, asked the Lord not to hold the sin against his killers. Jesus, betrayed, falsely convicted, beaten, spat on and nailed to a cross, harboured no hatred and offered forgiveness. Forgiveness is the key to unity in the church and to every meaningful relationship. It is easier to walk in when you know your calling; going to and fro without direction leaves you in confusion.

   “An unforgiving Christian is a living contradiction of his new nature in Christ.”

   • Acts 7:60
   • Luke 23:34

3. It takes faith to forgive

   You can speak to the mountain and it will move, but the same passage says that when you stand praying, first forgive anyone you hold a grudge against. Forgiving takes faith because you look past the person and the deed to what God is doing, which is far greater. Forgiveness is tested when you have to face the person, and the feelings well up: how dare you look at me like that. True forgiveness is loving them through Jesus. That does not mean restoring everything, because healthy boundaries lead to healthy relationships; without them people will always cross the line.

   Illustration: During the fast he woke to pray, sensed something was wrong, and began naming people who had wronged his family, forgiving each one aloud. That same day he walked into a meeting and found several of them there. They greeted him as if nothing had happened, and instead of telling them where to get off as he once would have, he said "Bless the Lord" and left it there. Afterwards he sensed the Lord say, "Now you have truly forgiven them."

   “Healthy boundaries lead to healthy relationships.”

   • Mark 11:22-26

4. Ask God to forgive you and refuse condemnation

   To confess means to speak the same thing: agree with what God says about your sin and be willing to turn from it, and He is faithful and just to forgive. Satan doubles back to remind you of past failures; resist him with Romans 8:1. But when we do not forgive, we leave the gap and become a catalyst for the very condemnation we suffer under.

   “We become a catalyst for that condemnation when we don't walk in that forgiveness.”

   • 1 John 1:9
   • Romans 8:1

5. Forgive as often as you want to be forgiven

   Seventy times seven means a perpetual, daily forgiveness; he has heard another pastor say it means per day and admits he still needs to come to that revelation. Forgiveness is an act of the will, not an emotion, and when you set your will to forgive and pray for your offenders, your emotions submit to the Spirit. Refuse self-pity. Jesus never asked anything He did not give grace to do, and He commands us to love our enemies.

   “Some people can be mountains. Some situations can be mountains. But the way to actually conquer that mountain is to forgive.”

   • Matthew 18:21-22
   • Matthew 5:44

6. Repentance from dead works

   Anything not done in faith towards God is a dead work: self-pity that asks why this always happens to me, desperate prayers that tell God to sort people out, and anything done out of fear. Faith is what brings life into our activity. It is a daily decision, and through God's grace we become the peacemakers, strong in character, with the same mercy we were saved by flowing out of us.

   “Anything not done in faith is a dead work.”

In this message