Acquaintance, Friendship, Intimacy: Which Phase Are You Actually In?

Sermon outline

The fruit of the Spirit is grown by the Spirit as we yield to Him and move from introduction to intimacy with God, and from that place a believer can break what has run through the family for generations.

1. The fruit is produced by the Spirit, and it takes time to grow

   The Greek word for fruit means the natural product of a living thing, and it is one unified whole: you cannot have one part without the others. It does not ripen the day you are saved. As we yield to the Holy Spirit and pull out the weeds of sin, we feed the roots, and the fruit comes out on the branches in its season.

   Illustration: A mealie plantation bears once a year, but it has to be watered, fed and weeded all year for that one harvest.

   “The yielding, that's our job. The changing, the restoration, the healing, that's his job.”

   • Galatians 5:22-23
   • 1 Corinthians 10:12-13

2. The sinful nature, and why some Christians never see the fruit

   Adam had his children only after he was put out of the garden, under the curse, so the sinful nature runs through the line from Cain onward. Only the blood of Jesus turns that around. The two constants in your life are God and you, and the more you give yourself to Christ, the more His character shows. Christianity is not a card clicked on a Sunday; it is a daily choice, and God has already told us the answer: choose life.

   Illustration: A three-year-old, just out of nappies, is found on the kitchen counter with a hand in the cookie jar and says he is doing nothing. Nobody taught him to lie; the nature was already there.

   “It's not about coming to church on the Sunday morning clicking our religious card and say, okay, I've done my religious duty.”

   • Deuteronomy 30:19
   • 2 Corinthians 3:17-18

3. Joy and peace, and the fruit that hangs on them

   Joy and peace go hand in hand. When home, work, marriage and health are calm, joy is easy; when people are backbiting, joy disappears and we start finding fault with everyone. The joy the Bible describes is unspeakable, and peace means resting in the chaos because you know who you are in God. Kindness, goodness and gentleness depend on joy and peace, and faithfulness means being faithful to the word and to the words of your own mouth.

   “Peace means that even in the chaos I'm able to rest.”

   • 1 Peter 1:8
   • Proverbs 22:1

4. Self-control is preparation, not punishment

   He calls self-control the key component of a Christian's success and prosperity, in health, finances and the lives of children and grandchildren. It is the most painful fruit to bear, because its nutrient is dying to self. The moment pressure or criticism comes, kindness and gentleness go out of the window, which raises the question of whether the joy and peace were ever truly fruit of the Spirit.

   Illustration: Everyone knows someone who throws their toys out of the cot the moment they hear something true, as if a little dagger had been put under their skin, even though it was said in love.

   “This is preparation for where we are going, not punishment for where we've been.”

5. Love does not pick and choose

   Anyone who loves knows God, and anyone who does not love does not know Him. Love in the Bible is for living people, including strangers, and it is mutual respect and help rather than favourites. Love sets boundaries, handles diversity and helps us face challenges. Once we became Christians our lives turned from me to He, and as we take care of His house, He takes care of ours.

   Illustration: Some people can love animals to death but cannot love another human being. And love is not having one friend over for a briyani and tea with Marie biscuits, then coming home and kicking the dog.

   “The minute that we became Christians, it changed from a me to a he.”

   • 1 John 4:7-11
   • 1 Corinthians 13:1-5
   • 2 Corinthians 4:1-9

6. The five phases of the relationship

   He answers why some experience the fruit and some do not with five levels. Introduction is salvation. Acquaintance is opening the Bible and hearing testimonies. Friendship is understanding the word, acting on it and meeting the Holy Spirit. Fellowship is growing in the Spirit, the seed time of faith, getting to know what He likes and responds to. Intimacy is where a child of God becomes a son or daughter, and the fruit comes without trying, so that the people around you eat from the tree.

   Illustration: A young man does not ask a woman to marry him on the first day; they learn each other's favourite colour, middle name, likes and dislikes. He also recalls a gun pointed at a pastor outside the church that never went off, because the Spirit of God was there.

   “It's a kind of relationship that won't divorce you and run away.”

   • Matthew 18:20

7. You can fix it: from generational curses to generational blessings

   Guard your thought life, and make time with the Holy Spirit first thing in the morning and last thing at night. Stop giving the devil glory: take away the phone, replace it with the word, start a family altar, take the oil and pray through your own house. Look back through the generations for the familiar spirit that keeps repeating, and once you have identified it, break it. God has put you in your family to set it right.

   Illustration: Watch a movie late at night and you wake up singing its song. He also describes the relative who disappears for a week or two without explanation, and cancer passing from grandfather to son to grandson, as the same spirit attacking a family.

   “The minute you've identified it, you can break it.”

In this message